i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
