Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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