HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
