Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
