I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
