I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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