I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
