what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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