At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
