2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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