You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
