i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
