I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
