so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A+ Viking dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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