How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
