Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
