So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
