so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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