Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize