Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
