is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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