you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
