I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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