the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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