my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
