i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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