Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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