Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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