Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
