Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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