haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize