Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
