Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
