then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
