ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
