Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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