ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
