Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
