I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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