All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
