Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
