I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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