I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he shaved USA in his pubs
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
