Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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