Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I looked at my own cervix.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
