My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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