hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
