i may or may not be watching the land before time
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
