She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
