Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
