Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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