I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
