Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
apparently the secret to your success is patron
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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