I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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