Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
