I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize