Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
