I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you never un-have a 4some
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
