i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
where does the pee come out of this thing
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
