So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
