Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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