She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
