So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
