imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
