I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
