I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
