fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
