she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
