i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
