New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
