So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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