at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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