Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
