Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
These tits shall not be calmed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
