This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
