I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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