apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
