She just used a chaser for red wine.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
