She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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