He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
