I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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