I'm going to jail i love you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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