I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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