apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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