i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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