Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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