Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize