Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
