dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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