a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
