It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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