That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
