I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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