I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
