KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
