Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
