I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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