Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
