Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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