Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
